Article on coping with autism adolescence

Dear everyone:

I am finally putting up a new article after a four-month hiatus. After continuously reworking my article, "The Season of Adolescence", in response to the volatile situation with Sebastien, my autistic adolescent, I have finally decided to send it out to the world. In this article, I highlight the challenges, identify a few sensory strategies, and offer a few insights about raising an autistic adolescent.

I had hoped that things would improve dramatically with the passage of time, but alas, progress has been painstakingly slow and difficult. The caregiving journey is tough, thankless, and heart-breaking. Though I had hoped to have found the answers to making it a more pleasant journey, I can only say that I am still searching. While I had entertained the option of abandoning this article completely, I ultimately believe that some of you might still be able to glean some value from it.

Below is an excerpt of this article:

Sebastien’s Season of Adolescence: Puberty Unleashed
by CHOO Kah Ying
Sebastien's season of adolescence can be described, to borrow the brilliant lines of Charles Dickens, as “the best of times”..., and unfortunately, the “worst of times”.
On the one hand, my 15-year-old has turned into a young man with the initiative to perform many household chores: preparing his own meals, washing the dishes, sweeping and mopping the floor, and taking care of the laundry, etc...
On the other hand, the competent and creative Sebastien also has a dark side. Fuelled by his raging hormones, Sebastien is engulfed in a sea of heightened sensory cravings, impulses, compulsions, and obsessions. With his heightened sensory perceptions, Sebastien has become obsessed with the dramatic transformation of his body, an addictive wonderland that offers endless hours of exploration...
As you are beginning to sense, the list of Sebastien's unpleasant, disturbing, or troubling behaviours could go on ad nauseum. There is not one aberrant behaviour that truly takes centrestage; rather, it is a full panoply of them blending into one another in a nightmarish carnival of deviant behaviours...

To read the rest of this article, please click here: http://www.awakeningminds.com.sg/articles_sebs_season_of_adolescence.html


This will be my swansong article, at least for several months, as I have decided to revamp my website, and put up affordable informative booklets (on designing learning and writing activities) and worksheet templates, which can be used for learners with moderate to severe learning difficulties. These booklets and worksheets templates would be the culmination of my homeschooling life, workshops and the learning materials and worksheets that I have been designing for Sebastien, my students and families. By putting them online, I hope to reach out to a far wider audience than the families who have sought my consultation services, the participants of my workshops in Singapore, the students I teach. I look forward to unveiling my new booklets and worksheets templates in the not-too-distant future.

In the meantime, I hope to continue with the once-a-month support group in September (in Singapore). I will provide an update in the middle of next month.

Best regards,

Kah Ying

Support group for caregivers (autism) in Singapore

Dear everyone:

It has been a very busy two months... Unfortunately, much as I would like to put up a new article on my latest efforts in dealing with the challenges of Sebastien, my autistic adolescent, I still have not completed it. However, I would still highlight a few things for the coming July:

1. Support Group for Caregivers of children with autism: I am dedicating the last Sunday of every month to a support group for CAREGIVERS of children with autism (7:30 - 9 p.m.). Caregiving can feel like such an isolated journey that caregivers need to come together in a supportive space where they can share with others what they have learnt or what they are going through. There will be some light refreshments. Participants can also bring stuff if they like. There are no obligations or membership requirements.

For this month, the meeting will be held on Sunday, July 31st, 7:30 p.m.- 9 p.m.

Please RSVP me with the number of people coming by Thursday (July 28th) and contact information (mobile number and email). If I do not have at least 3 participants (including myself), I will cancel the meeting.

I am happy to host the meeting (Orchard; address will be given to those who have confirmed their participation), though I am open to us having rotating locations...

* Caregivers refer to individuals who are responsible for caring for autistic individuals. This support group is LIMITED to CAREGIVERS only in order to ensure that caregivers feel free to share their thoughts and feelings.


2. Sebastien's paintings
Thanks to the encouragement of friends who have viewed Sebastien's paintings, I am pleased to announce that we are entering Sebastien in a UOB painting competition this year and thinking about organising an exhibition of Sebastien's paintings. At this juncture, I am looking for help from people with the knowledge and connections to make such an event possible. Areas to cover include:

- exhibition spaces
- framing costs
- PR and marketing for such an event
- sponsorships/donations
- helpful contacts

I would be grateful for a brainstorm of ideas and feedback.

3. Highlights of my Website:

Books: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/books.html: my published books on autism, manic depression and a storywriting template and workbook.

Workshops (My proposed topics): http://www.awakeningminds.sg/workshops.html: my self-formulated workshops covering autism, caregiving, educational strategies, behavioural management and creative writing.

http://www.awakeningminds.sg/mental_wellness_workshops.html: my workshops on mental wellness and caregiving.

Workshops conducted: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/past_events.html: a comprehensive listing of all talks and workshops I have conducted.

Consultations: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/consultations.html, http://www.awakeningminds.sg/mental_wellness_consultations.html: my private, home-based consultations for families and institutions.

Learning Materials: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/learning_materials.html: Learning materials designed for children with learning difficulties.

Articles: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/articles.html: Articles on autism, special needs, mental wellness and parenting by me, as well as articles featuring me and Sebastien, written by journalists.

Please feel free to share this email with others who may be interested.

Regards,

Kah Ying

Article on surviving the stress of caring for autistic adolescent and other news

Dear everyone:

As I will be caught up with the preparations for a workshop on designing and implementing a differentiated lesson for students with autism in the coming weeks, I am sending you my latest article in this email update. Here are the highlights:

1. My article, "Sanity Under Siege": For those who have known of my challenges with Sebastien, my autistic adolescent son, I am grateful and pleased to say that we have emerged from our battles with tremendous love and appreciation for one another. With the pain and unhappiness of our conflict still fresh in our minds, we are cherishing one another in what I would consider a "honeymoon" phase. This nice breather has enabled me to compose this article that integrates the twin themes of my Website: mental wellness and autism. This article offers insight into the stress of raising an autistic adolescent; the importance of self-care strategies; and the constant reflections we should do on our parenting and caregiver approaches.

Sanity Under Siege
By Choo Kah Ying

Those who have read my book, Five Little White Pills: My Journey from Manic Depression to Recovery, would know that Sebastien, my autistic son, and my challenging journey of raising him, was the impetus behind my recovery. Little would I know that, just two years after the book’s publication, Sebastien, in his throes of adolescence, would be pushing me to the precipice of insanity...
Initially, I had gamely sought to address his inappropriate behaviours with behavioural management strategies. While some behaviours improved, others went away only to return with no permanent end in sight. But what was even more challenging was the relentless onslaught of wave after wave of inappropriate behaviours. I had barely extinguished or regulated one behaviour before another, even more outlandish and socially unacceptable, materialised to take its place...

To read more, please go to: http://www.awakeningminds.com.sg/articles_sanity_under_siege.html

2. My friend, Roger, a fantastic massage therapist, is in town: Roger (from Australia) has done great massages on me and Sebastien, my autistic son. I have since recommended him to many caregivers and their children. With his loving and healing touch, as well as his willingness to share his knowledge with others, Roger is a tremendous resource. He will only in Singapore from May 12th to June 1st. If there is sufficient interest, he would also be able to conduct workshops on wellness techniques ($100 per person, up to 15 people). For more info, please go to www.janrog.com; or email him at rog@janrog.com.


3. Sebastien's challenging phase of adolescence has a silver lining: he is producing more diverse paintings. Check them out at this public link (you don't have to be a Facebook member to see them). For those who have seen this link, there are two additional paintings.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=350116&id=720254922&l=8020e60a5e

4. Highlights of my Website:

Books: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/books.html: my published books on autism, manic depression and a storywriting template and workbook.

Workshops (My proposed topics): http://www.awakeningminds.sg/workshops.html: my self-formulated workshops covering autism, caregiving, educational strategies, behavioural management and creative writing.

http://www.awakeningminds.sg/mental_wellness_workshops.html: my workshops on mental wellness and caregiving.

Workshops conducted: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/past_events.html: a comprehensive listing of all talks and workshops I have conducted.

Consultations: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/consultations.html, http://www.awakeningminds.sg/mental_wellness_consultations.html: my private, home-based consultations for families and institutions.

Learning Materials: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/learning_materials.html: Learning materials designed for children with learning difficulties.

Articles: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/articles.html: Articles on autism, special needs, mental wellness and parenting by me, as well as articles featuring me and Sebastien, written by journalists.

Please feel free to share this email with others who may be interested.

Regards,

Kah Ying

Mary and Max, Support Group and Sebastien's Paintings

Dear everyone:

As I am going through alot of challenges with Sebastien in his adolescent phase, I am conserving my energy and thus not writing a new article... as yet. This email blast will still highlight the following:

1. Mary and Max:This incredible movie features an extraordinary friendship between a man with Asperger's Syndrome and a young girl conducted through correspondence. It gives tremendous insights into the struggles of this man and his difficulties with coping with mainstream society, in spite of his intellect and efforts.

This movie will only be showing in Singapore at the Picture House (Orchard Cineleisure) until April 13th. Don't miss it.

2. Support Group for Caregivers of children with autism: I am dedicating the last Sunday of every month to a support group for caregivers of children with autism (7:30 - 9 p.m.). Caregiving can feel like such an isolated journey that caregivers need to come together in a supportive space where they can share with others what they have learnt or what they are going through. There will be some light refreshments. Participants can also bring stuff if they like. There are no obligations or membership requirements.

For this month, the meeting will be held on Sunday, April 24th, 7:30 p.m.- 9 p.m.

Please RSVP me with the number of people coming by Thursday (April 21st) and contact information (mobile number and email). If I do not have at least 3 participants (including myself), I will cancel the meeting.

I am happy to host the meeting (Orchard; address will be given to those who have confirmed their participation), though I am open to us having rotating locations...

3. Sebastien's challenging phase of adolescence has a silver lining: he is producing more diverse paintings. Check them out at this public link (you don't have to be a Facebook member to see them):
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=350116&id=720254922&l=8020e60a5e

4. Highlights of my Website:

Books: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/books.html: my published books on autism, manic depression and a storywriting template and workbook.

Workshops (My proposed topics): http://www.awakeningminds.sg/workshops.html: my self-formulated workshops covering autism, caregiving, educational strategies, behavioural management and creative writing.

http://www.awakeningminds.sg/mental_wellness_workshops.html: my workshops on mental wellness and caregiving.

Workshops conducted: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/past_events.html: a comprehensive listing of all talks and workshops I have conducted.

Consultations: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/consultations.html, http://www.awakeningminds.sg/mental_wellness_consultations.html: my private, home-based consultations for families and institutions.

Learning Materials: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/learning_materials.html: Learning materials designed for children with learning difficulties.

Articles: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/articles.html: Articles on autism, special needs, mental wellness and parenting by me, as well as articles featuring me and Sebastien, written by journalists.

Please feel free to share this email with others who may be interested.

Regards,

Kah Ying

An article on society's role in helping autistic individuals and their caregivers

Dear everyone:

Here is the second article of my two-article series that addresses the challenges of raising an autistic individual. In this piece, I will be exploring the role of society in helping autistic individuals and their caregivers. Instead of expecting caregivers and specialised institutions to care for individuals with autism, I suggest that society can play a more active role by showing openness and compassion. This article also describes Sebastien's independent expeditions to his coach's gym and school, accompanied by a laminated card displaying his information and my phone number. Thus, I am seeking the public's participation in looking out for him. I think this is an interesting article that can stretch the discourse on autism and special needs.


1. Below is an excerpt of the article.


What Would It Take?
By Choo Kah Ying

If it takes a village to raise a ‘typical’ child, what would it take to raise one with autism who would grow up to be a dependent adult?...

For many years, I expected nothing of society. With my feet straggling the two irreconcilable worlds of autism and mainstream society, I saw myself as the buffer to ward off any possible clashes arising from Sebastien’s lack of awareness of social conventions and others’ taking offense by his social faux pas. Sticking close to him and watching his every move with eagle-eye vigilance, I would be poised to direct him as discreetly as I could with my facial expressions and hand gestures...

But alas, I am no match for the hormonal fluctuations and the growth spurt, which come with puberty. Sebastien, at 14, is already towering over most Asian men with broad shoulders and a young man’s swagger. Accompanying his physical transformation is his defiant claim to be his own person, make his own mistakes and face consequences that he may not be able to fully conceptualise. My recent run-ins with Sebastien, like the day when he lunged aggressively at me in a jam-packed NTUC hypermart, have forced me to face up to a new reality. My role as his protector has become obsolete.

Whether I think he is ready or not, I am no longer strong enough to be the middleman who can prevent the possible clashes between Sebastien and mainstream society. In the event of such a collision, I can only hope that both parties would emerge largely unscathed, and perhaps, even with some understanding. The world would have to teach him what I have been unable to. And yes, I have also come to accept, albeit reluctantly, the distinctive possibility that he can get into far bigger trouble than I can contain.

Sebastien’s straining against my tutelage is his signal to me that my time as his exclusive caregiver and teacher is up. Each day, as I watch him step out of the front door, my heart is filled with trepidation. With his fearless strides, Sebastien thinks he is ready for the world. But is the world ready for him? Would a society that knows little about autism treat him with tolerance, forbearance and compassion?...


Here is the link to the full article: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/articles_what_would_it_take.html

2. Support Group for Caregivers of children with autism: I am dedicating the last Sunday of every month to a support group for caregivers of children with autism (7:30 - 9 p.m.). Caregiving can feel like such an isolated journey that caregivers need to come together in a supportive space where they can share with others what they have learnt or what they are going through. There will be some light refreshments. Participants can also bring stuff if they like. There are no obligations or membership requirements.

For this month, the meeting will be held on Sunday, March 27th, 7:30 p.m.- 9 p.m.

Please RSVP me with the number of people coming by Thursday (March 24th) and contact information (mobile number and email). If I do not have at least 3 participants (including myself), I will cancel the meeting.

I am happy to host the meeting (Orchard; address will be given to those who have confirmed their participation), though I am open to us having rotating locations...

3. Highlights of my Website:

Books: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/books.html: my published books on autism, manic depression and a storywriting template and workbook.

Workshops (My proposed topics): http://www.awakeningminds.sg/workshops.html: my self-formulated workshops covering autism, caregiving, educational strategies, behavioural management and creative writing.

http://www.awakeningminds.sg/mental_wellness_workshops.html: my workshops on mental wellness and caregiving.

Workshops conducted: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/past_events.html: a comprehensive listing of all talks and workshops I have conducted.

Consultations: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/consultations.html, http://www.awakeningminds.sg/mental_wellness_consultations.html: my private, home-based consultations for families and institutions.

Learning Materials: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/learning_materials.html: Learning materials designed for children with learning difficulties.

Articles: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/articles.html: Articles on autism, special needs, mental wellness and parenting by me, as well as articles featuring me and Sebastien, written by journalists.

Please feel free to share this email with others who may be interested.

Regards,

Kah Ying

Support group for caregivers (autism) and more

Dear everyone:

Hope you all had a wonderful Chinese New Year break! The primary purpose of this update is to remind you all about my monthly support group for caregivers of children with autism. For our first meeting, we had a total of 4 mothers (including myself).

1. Support Group for Caregivers of children with autism: I am dedicating the last Sunday of every month to a support group for caregivers of children with autism (7:30 - 9 p.m.). Caregiving can feel like such an isolated journey that caregivers need to come together in a supportive space where they can share with others what they have learnt or what they are going through. There will be some light refreshments. Participants can also bring stuff if they like. There are no obligations or membership requirements.

For this month, the meeting will be held on Sunday, February 27th, 7:30 p.m.- 9 p.m.

Please RSVP me with the number of people coming by Thursday (February 24th) and contact information (mobile number and email). If I do not have at least 3 participants (including myself), I will cancel the meeting.

I am happy to host the meeting (Ang Mo Kio; address will be given to those who have confirmed their participation), though I am open to us having rotating locations...

2. Article about my blog and Website: Last month, Sebastien and I appeared in a Sunday Times article (Jan 23rd) about people who write blogs on their experiences with various medical conditions and their motivation for doing so.

Check out the segment about us: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/articles_sons_her_muse.html

3. Sebastien's latest paintings: For those who are interested in looking at more of Sebastien's strange, but striking paintings, you can see it by clicking on this link (you don't need to be on Facebook to see it): http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=334033&id=720254922&l=a4bbd3d946

4. Learning Support (One-on-one hourly sessions - $50/hour). All children, regardless of their learning deficits, can learn. In my learning sessions, I design customised worksheets with in-built scaffolding and utilise individualised strategies to challenge students with learning difficulties to learn. My focus is on cultivating English literacy in students at different stages of language development (from pre-language stage to mainstream schooling).

For all new students, there will be an one-hour assessment ($50) for me to meet the student and the caregiver.

5. Highlights of my Website:

Books: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/books.html: my published books on autism, manic depression and a storywriting template and workbook.

Workshops (My proposed topics): http://www.awakeningminds.sg/workshops.html: my self-formulated workshops covering autism, caregiving, educational strategies, behavioural management and creative writing.

http://www.awakeningminds.sg/mental_wellness_workshops.html: my workshops on mental wellness and caregiving.

Workshops conducted: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/past_events.html: a comprehensive listing of all talks and workshops I have conducted.

Consultations: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/consultations.html, http://www.awakeningminds.sg/mental_wellness_consultations.html: my private, home-based consultations for families and institutions.

Learning Materials: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/learning_materials.html: Learning materials designed for children with learning difficulties.

Articles: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/articles.html: Articles on autism, special needs, mental wellness and parenting by me, as well as articles featuring me and Sebastien, written by journalists.

Thank you for your support. Please feel free to refer others to my Website.

Sincerely yours,

Kah Ying

+658163-4509

An article on dealing with aggression of autistic adolescents

Dear everyone:

It is that time of the month when I put up another article. This is another difficult and cathartic one to write -- the resurfacing of aggression in Sebastien in his adolescence. I believe that this is a common problem faced by caregivers of adolescents and adults with autism and maybe other special needs, or even mental illnesses. Unpleasant as this topic is, I think we caregivers need to acknowledge and confront it. Though I put forth a strategy in my article, I have, by no means, eradicated the problem, but at least I have empowered myself to deal with the situation.


1. Article of the Month: Sparked by an incident in which my adolescent son with autism lunged and hit me in the most public of places (NTUC), this article examines the plight faced by caregivers and a strategy that I had come up with to deal with aggression. I consider this article to be the first part of a two-part article series, with this one examining the impact of aggression of special needs children on their caregivers, and the next one on the implications for society (next month). Below is an excerpt:

When Aggression Strikes, Mama Goes on Strike!

by Choo Kah Ying

...There we were, standing in front of the dangling bunches of bananas. While I was taking my time to pick the bunch that was just ripening, Sebastien pre-empted me by picking one willy-nilly and placing it in our basket. Without thinking anything of it, I informed him, “No, this one is better,” while replacing his choice with mine. Immediately, Sebastien grabbed the bunch he had chosen and put it next to mine in the basket. Not unduly perturbed, I picked up his bananas and explained firmly, “No, Sebastien, too many bananas. They’ll go bad and we’ll have to throw them in the trash can.” To my surprise, he grabbed my hand – the one holding the bananas he had chosen – by my wrist forcefully, and shouted, “Bananas!”...

“Let go!” I commanded. He withdrew his hand instantly. “Sit down.” I had used this strategy in the past to disrupt Sebastien’s momentum so that he can calm down. However, just before I could reprimand him, he sprang to his feet, lunged viciously at me and whacked me on my upper arms.

Instinctively, I went into emergency mode. With the adrenaline rushing through me, I sprang into action. There was no time to feel distressed, embarrassed or disappointed. Without batting an eyelid, I looked Sebastien sternly in the eye and said, “You are in big trouble. Now you will have no rice cakes and bananas.” I picked up the basket of rice cakes and bananas and left them in a corner. Amidst Sebastien’s protests about the rice cakes and bananas, I escorted him out of the store, with a zillion bystanders looking on. None of them heard my rapidly pounding heartbeats that whispered my suppressed fear. You see, in refusing to buy Sebastien his rice cake and bananas, I risked Sebastien attacking me or someone else! But I did not want to reward Sebastien with the purchases – this was a tiny, but important, victory…

Once we were home and the adrenaline had dissipated, I strove to quell the hysteria rising within me. This incident had dealt the most devastating blow to my parenting ego. Not in my worst nightmare could I have imagined that something as simple as a short shopping errand in a familiar place could disintegrate into a fight over something as trivial as an extra bunch of bananas. On paper, there were no ingredients in place to trigger the social disaster that had taken place...

I fought back… by going on strike!....

By going on strike, I announce to Sebastien that I cannot, nor do I wish to, be the super caregiver and saviour who can save him from everything. While I can do my best to teach him about right and wrong, he will need to face the unpleasant consequences of his actions should he choose to pursue the wrong path. He cannot continue to assume that he can do whatever he wants and that my protective wings will always be there for him to take refuge. One day, they won’t be enough; and on another, they won’t be there. And these are the hard realities of life from which I cannot shield him..

To read more, please go to: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/articles_when_aggression_strikes.html

2. New Workshops:
Raising an Adolescent with Autism: Challenges, Perspectives and Strategies. Targeted at caregivers and educators, this interactive workshop will explore the unique challenges posed by adolescents with autism, as they grapple with their physical and mental changes. In this stimulating workshop, we will also discuss perspectives on this issue and explore effective strategies for dealing with these changes. Topics covered will include: Physical, Mental and Psychological Transformation, Sexuality, Aggression, Role of the Public and Authorities, Behavioural Management and Parenting (for Adolescents).
Caregiving, One Breath at a Time. The caregiving of a child with special needs, or individuals with mental illnesses, can be physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. Conscious Breathing that takes up little time and effort offers a powerful tool for relaxing and recharging. In this workshop, participants will: learn about the effectiveness of conscious breathing; practise breathing techniques; and identify ways of incorporating them into their caregiving lifestyle.

3. Learning Support (One-on-one hourly sessions - $50/hour). All children, regardless of their learning deficits, can learn. In my learning sessions, I design customised worksheets with in-built scaffolding and utilise individualised strategies to challenge students with learning difficulties to learn. My focus is on cultivating English literacy in students at different stages of language development (from pre-language stage to mainstream schooling).

Daytime Slots: Tuesdays and Wednesdays (2:30 – 3:30 p.m.); Sundays (4:00 – 5:00 p.m.)
Evening Slots: Mondays and Thursdays (7:30 – 9:30) [Two hourly slots]

For all new students, there will be an one-hour assessment ($50) for me to meet the student and the caregiver.

4. Support Group for Caregivers of children with autism: I am dedicating the last Sunday of every month to a support group for caregivers of children with autism (7:30 - 9 p.m.). Caregiving can feel like such an isolated journey that I really feel that caregivers need to come together in a supportive space where they can share with others what they have learnt or what they are going through. There will be some light refreshments. Participants can also bring stuff if they like.

There are no obligations or membership requirements. I just ask that people who are interested RSVP me with the number of people coming by Thursday and contact information. If I do not have at least 3 participants (including myself), I will cancel the meeting.

I am happy to host the meeting (Ang Mo Kio), though I am open to us having rotating locations...

For the Jan 30 meeting, I have had only two responses. If I don't have another person RSVPing by Jan 27, I will have to cancel the meeting.

5. I have also put up Seb's latest paintings on Facebook. Anyone can see it by clicking on this link:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=325647&id=720254922&l=b83fd4a28f

I look forward to hearing from you and wish you all a fulfilling 2011 ahead!

Sincerely yours,

Kah Ying

+658163-4509