An article on dealing with aggression of autistic adolescents
Dear everyone:
It is that time of the month when I put up another article. This is another difficult and cathartic one to write -- the resurfacing of aggression in Sebastien in his adolescence. I believe that this is a common problem faced by caregivers of adolescents and adults with autism and maybe other special needs, or even mental illnesses. Unpleasant as this topic is, I think we caregivers need to acknowledge and confront it. Though I put forth a strategy in my article, I have, by no means, eradicated the problem, but at least I have empowered myself to deal with the situation.
1. Article of the Month: Sparked by an incident in which my adolescent son with autism lunged and hit me in the most public of places (NTUC), this article examines the plight faced by caregivers and a strategy that I had come up with to deal with aggression. I consider this article to be the first part of a two-part article series, with this one examining the impact of aggression of special needs children on their caregivers, and the next one on the implications for society (next month). Below is an excerpt:
When Aggression Strikes, Mama Goes on Strike!
by Choo Kah Ying
...There we were, standing in front of the dangling bunches of bananas. While I was taking my time to pick the bunch that was just ripening, Sebastien pre-empted me by picking one willy-nilly and placing it in our basket. Without thinking anything of it, I informed him, “No, this one is better,” while replacing his choice with mine. Immediately, Sebastien grabbed the bunch he had chosen and put it next to mine in the basket. Not unduly perturbed, I picked up his bananas and explained firmly, “No, Sebastien, too many bananas. They’ll go bad and we’ll have to throw them in the trash can.” To my surprise, he grabbed my hand – the one holding the bananas he had chosen – by my wrist forcefully, and shouted, “Bananas!”...
“Let go!” I commanded. He withdrew his hand instantly. “Sit down.” I had used this strategy in the past to disrupt Sebastien’s momentum so that he can calm down. However, just before I could reprimand him, he sprang to his feet, lunged viciously at me and whacked me on my upper arms.
Instinctively, I went into emergency mode. With the adrenaline rushing through me, I sprang into action. There was no time to feel distressed, embarrassed or disappointed. Without batting an eyelid, I looked Sebastien sternly in the eye and said, “You are in big trouble. Now you will have no rice cakes and bananas.” I picked up the basket of rice cakes and bananas and left them in a corner. Amidst Sebastien’s protests about the rice cakes and bananas, I escorted him out of the store, with a zillion bystanders looking on. None of them heard my rapidly pounding heartbeats that whispered my suppressed fear. You see, in refusing to buy Sebastien his rice cake and bananas, I risked Sebastien attacking me or someone else! But I did not want to reward Sebastien with the purchases – this was a tiny, but important, victory…
Once we were home and the adrenaline had dissipated, I strove to quell the hysteria rising within me. This incident had dealt the most devastating blow to my parenting ego. Not in my worst nightmare could I have imagined that something as simple as a short shopping errand in a familiar place could disintegrate into a fight over something as trivial as an extra bunch of bananas. On paper, there were no ingredients in place to trigger the social disaster that had taken place...
I fought back… by going on strike!....
By going on strike, I announce to Sebastien that I cannot, nor do I wish to, be the super caregiver and saviour who can save him from everything. While I can do my best to teach him about right and wrong, he will need to face the unpleasant consequences of his actions should he choose to pursue the wrong path. He cannot continue to assume that he can do whatever he wants and that my protective wings will always be there for him to take refuge. One day, they won’t be enough; and on another, they won’t be there. And these are the hard realities of life from which I cannot shield him..
To read more, please go to: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/articles_when_aggression_strikes.html
2. New Workshops:
Raising an Adolescent with Autism: Challenges, Perspectives and Strategies. Targeted at caregivers and educators, this interactive workshop will explore the unique challenges posed by adolescents with autism, as they grapple with their physical and mental changes. In this stimulating workshop, we will also discuss perspectives on this issue and explore effective strategies for dealing with these changes. Topics covered will include: Physical, Mental and Psychological Transformation, Sexuality, Aggression, Role of the Public and Authorities, Behavioural Management and Parenting (for Adolescents).
Caregiving, One Breath at a Time. The caregiving of a child with special needs, or individuals with mental illnesses, can be physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. Conscious Breathing that takes up little time and effort offers a powerful tool for relaxing and recharging. In this workshop, participants will: learn about the effectiveness of conscious breathing; practise breathing techniques; and identify ways of incorporating them into their caregiving lifestyle.
3. Learning Support (One-on-one hourly sessions - $50/hour). All children, regardless of their learning deficits, can learn. In my learning sessions, I design customised worksheets with in-built scaffolding and utilise individualised strategies to challenge students with learning difficulties to learn. My focus is on cultivating English literacy in students at different stages of language development (from pre-language stage to mainstream schooling).
Daytime Slots: Tuesdays and Wednesdays (2:30 – 3:30 p.m.); Sundays (4:00 – 5:00 p.m.)
Evening Slots: Mondays and Thursdays (7:30 – 9:30) [Two hourly slots]
For all new students, there will be an one-hour assessment ($50) for me to meet the student and the caregiver.
4. Support Group for Caregivers of children with autism: I am dedicating the last Sunday of every month to a support group for caregivers of children with autism (7:30 - 9 p.m.). Caregiving can feel like such an isolated journey that I really feel that caregivers need to come together in a supportive space where they can share with others what they have learnt or what they are going through. There will be some light refreshments. Participants can also bring stuff if they like.
There are no obligations or membership requirements. I just ask that people who are interested RSVP me with the number of people coming by Thursday and contact information. If I do not have at least 3 participants (including myself), I will cancel the meeting.
I am happy to host the meeting (Ang Mo Kio), though I am open to us having rotating locations...
For the Jan 30 meeting, I have had only two responses. If I don't have another person RSVPing by Jan 27, I will have to cancel the meeting.
5. I have also put up Seb's latest paintings on Facebook. Anyone can see it by clicking on this link:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=325647&id=720254922&l=b83fd4a28f
I look forward to hearing from you and wish you all a fulfilling 2011 ahead!
Sincerely yours,
Kah Ying
+658163-4509
It is that time of the month when I put up another article. This is another difficult and cathartic one to write -- the resurfacing of aggression in Sebastien in his adolescence. I believe that this is a common problem faced by caregivers of adolescents and adults with autism and maybe other special needs, or even mental illnesses. Unpleasant as this topic is, I think we caregivers need to acknowledge and confront it. Though I put forth a strategy in my article, I have, by no means, eradicated the problem, but at least I have empowered myself to deal with the situation.
1. Article of the Month: Sparked by an incident in which my adolescent son with autism lunged and hit me in the most public of places (NTUC), this article examines the plight faced by caregivers and a strategy that I had come up with to deal with aggression. I consider this article to be the first part of a two-part article series, with this one examining the impact of aggression of special needs children on their caregivers, and the next one on the implications for society (next month). Below is an excerpt:
When Aggression Strikes, Mama Goes on Strike!
by Choo Kah Ying
...There we were, standing in front of the dangling bunches of bananas. While I was taking my time to pick the bunch that was just ripening, Sebastien pre-empted me by picking one willy-nilly and placing it in our basket. Without thinking anything of it, I informed him, “No, this one is better,” while replacing his choice with mine. Immediately, Sebastien grabbed the bunch he had chosen and put it next to mine in the basket. Not unduly perturbed, I picked up his bananas and explained firmly, “No, Sebastien, too many bananas. They’ll go bad and we’ll have to throw them in the trash can.” To my surprise, he grabbed my hand – the one holding the bananas he had chosen – by my wrist forcefully, and shouted, “Bananas!”...
“Let go!” I commanded. He withdrew his hand instantly. “Sit down.” I had used this strategy in the past to disrupt Sebastien’s momentum so that he can calm down. However, just before I could reprimand him, he sprang to his feet, lunged viciously at me and whacked me on my upper arms.
Instinctively, I went into emergency mode. With the adrenaline rushing through me, I sprang into action. There was no time to feel distressed, embarrassed or disappointed. Without batting an eyelid, I looked Sebastien sternly in the eye and said, “You are in big trouble. Now you will have no rice cakes and bananas.” I picked up the basket of rice cakes and bananas and left them in a corner. Amidst Sebastien’s protests about the rice cakes and bananas, I escorted him out of the store, with a zillion bystanders looking on. None of them heard my rapidly pounding heartbeats that whispered my suppressed fear. You see, in refusing to buy Sebastien his rice cake and bananas, I risked Sebastien attacking me or someone else! But I did not want to reward Sebastien with the purchases – this was a tiny, but important, victory…
Once we were home and the adrenaline had dissipated, I strove to quell the hysteria rising within me. This incident had dealt the most devastating blow to my parenting ego. Not in my worst nightmare could I have imagined that something as simple as a short shopping errand in a familiar place could disintegrate into a fight over something as trivial as an extra bunch of bananas. On paper, there were no ingredients in place to trigger the social disaster that had taken place...
I fought back… by going on strike!....
By going on strike, I announce to Sebastien that I cannot, nor do I wish to, be the super caregiver and saviour who can save him from everything. While I can do my best to teach him about right and wrong, he will need to face the unpleasant consequences of his actions should he choose to pursue the wrong path. He cannot continue to assume that he can do whatever he wants and that my protective wings will always be there for him to take refuge. One day, they won’t be enough; and on another, they won’t be there. And these are the hard realities of life from which I cannot shield him..
To read more, please go to: http://www.awakeningminds.sg/articles_when_aggression_strikes.html
2. New Workshops:
Raising an Adolescent with Autism: Challenges, Perspectives and Strategies. Targeted at caregivers and educators, this interactive workshop will explore the unique challenges posed by adolescents with autism, as they grapple with their physical and mental changes. In this stimulating workshop, we will also discuss perspectives on this issue and explore effective strategies for dealing with these changes. Topics covered will include: Physical, Mental and Psychological Transformation, Sexuality, Aggression, Role of the Public and Authorities, Behavioural Management and Parenting (for Adolescents).
Caregiving, One Breath at a Time. The caregiving of a child with special needs, or individuals with mental illnesses, can be physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. Conscious Breathing that takes up little time and effort offers a powerful tool for relaxing and recharging. In this workshop, participants will: learn about the effectiveness of conscious breathing; practise breathing techniques; and identify ways of incorporating them into their caregiving lifestyle.
3. Learning Support (One-on-one hourly sessions - $50/hour). All children, regardless of their learning deficits, can learn. In my learning sessions, I design customised worksheets with in-built scaffolding and utilise individualised strategies to challenge students with learning difficulties to learn. My focus is on cultivating English literacy in students at different stages of language development (from pre-language stage to mainstream schooling).
Daytime Slots: Tuesdays and Wednesdays (2:30 – 3:30 p.m.); Sundays (4:00 – 5:00 p.m.)
Evening Slots: Mondays and Thursdays (7:30 – 9:30) [Two hourly slots]
For all new students, there will be an one-hour assessment ($50) for me to meet the student and the caregiver.
4. Support Group for Caregivers of children with autism: I am dedicating the last Sunday of every month to a support group for caregivers of children with autism (7:30 - 9 p.m.). Caregiving can feel like such an isolated journey that I really feel that caregivers need to come together in a supportive space where they can share with others what they have learnt or what they are going through. There will be some light refreshments. Participants can also bring stuff if they like.
There are no obligations or membership requirements. I just ask that people who are interested RSVP me with the number of people coming by Thursday and contact information. If I do not have at least 3 participants (including myself), I will cancel the meeting.
I am happy to host the meeting (Ang Mo Kio), though I am open to us having rotating locations...
For the Jan 30 meeting, I have had only two responses. If I don't have another person RSVPing by Jan 27, I will have to cancel the meeting.
5. I have also put up Seb's latest paintings on Facebook. Anyone can see it by clicking on this link:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=325647&id=720254922&l=b83fd4a28f
I look forward to hearing from you and wish you all a fulfilling 2011 ahead!
Sincerely yours,
Kah Ying
+658163-4509
posted by Choo Kah Ying at
2:49 PM
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